Meaning of empathy

Empathy and sympathy are concepts that can be easily mixed up. But in the context of counselling, they are totally different. Empathy is an ability to understand and share the feelings of another person when they talk about their experience and feelings. It’s not about agreeing with or judging people’s point of view, but to show acceptance to their feelings regarding their own life experience. On the other hand, sympathy is an approach to give surface level understanding to other’s situation. Although people with sympathy will still acknowledge people’s feeling, they lack of sufficient understanding towards people’s emotion. Sympathetic person is not able to show understanding referring to the other’s perspective, they can only see the things from their angle.  

To further elaborate the difference of empathy and sympathy, I’d like to share my story of not experienced empathy. When I was eighteen, I met three to four male friends that are at the same age regularly. Most of us shared our own recent stories when we met. One time I tried to share my own story because I need some support during that hard time. I tried to look for my first job after graduation from university, and I found that it’s difficult to find a suitable job. I was frustrated at that time, and I lost confidence to myself because I’ve spent several months to find a job already but did not get any positive feedback. After my sharing, I was expecting my friends to acknowledge my frustration and accept my emotions at that moment. However, my friends responded in another way. What they tried to do in the first place is to provide solutions about how to deal with my situations, for example, try to look for a job from another recruitment websites, rewrite the curriculum vitae, etc. I find myself couldn’t say anything after their suggestions, and I wish to leave them as soon as possible and find somewhere to be alone. 

When I look back this event again, I can still remember my emotions since then. I thought I couldn’t feel any emotional support from my friends at that moment. What they cared about was how to tackle my problem, just like how we handle questions on public examination past paper.  I wouldn’t say my friends do not care about my situation, but I think that is a good example to differentiate sympathy and empathy. What my friends tried to do is to understand my sharing using their own perspective. They think the best way to eliminate those emotions is to resolve the problem, that’s why they spent a long time to think of solutions for me.  However, they did not realise my instant need at that time was acknowledgment of my feeling but not surface level understanding regarding my situation nor possible solutions regarding my situation. 

For myself, I found that it’s not too difficult to feel empathic towards others. I think that may because of my personalities and the volunteer experience that I had during teenagers. I can always rejoice with people that rejoice; weep with people that weep. I noticed that I have this quality, that’s why I wish to learn more about how to utilise it.  On the other hand, I noticed that some male who grown up from an environment that neglects emotions is hard to understand the concept of empathy. Because of their experience, they think that emotion is femaleine and not related to male, and they prefer to put emphasis on how to deal with existing and upcoming problems. These people might be able to get a good qualification in study or be promoted at workplace, but it’s common that they faced some failure when dealing with family members, friends or colleague. In my opinion, it’s not necessary to classify emotion as femaleine, it’s common for both male and female. Sensitivity to emotions is good for every human, and that’s the key to be empathic to other’s experience. If more people understand the importance of empathy, I believe people will find that it’s easier to deal with human conflicts and issues happened daily, and the whole society will beneficial from it.