Understanding life event using CBT

In this journal, I’d like to apply concepts of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to understand my life event. I was working at the supply chain team of an educational equipment company during the pandemic period. At that moment, the marine logistics is unstable and thus causing great pressure to myself. And the management announced bonus of six months’ salary will be given to staff a few months later. I was very struggle because I got severe eczema and backpain for the whole year, but I wish to have those money for the expense of upcoming wedding and emigration. When I look back to the history, the anxiety that’s affecting me is the uncertainty of future, and I jumped to the conclusion that having more money is the best way to deal with it. I did noticed my body situation at that moment and I thought I should carry on because that’s a huge money and I think I deserve it as a reward of working at the company for eight years. To deal with the cognitive distortion of ‘should’ statement and jumping to conclusions, I initiated self-talk and asked myself is it worth if I earn those extra money but forfeit my health. After a while, I realised that I still wish to have those money, but health is more important to myself and my partner. So I decided to quit the job and spend some time to rest and prepare for the future journey. 

In the next paragraph, I’m going to explore how I develop and maintain my relationship with my former colleague. I was promoted to a higher role to handle the development of new produces because of my performance. As a result, I have to work with colleague that I’m not used to deal with. The whole team promoted a 7/24 working style and expected the team member should work even they’re on annual leave. And they tried to justify this and asked me to follow. My new manager said that everyone else is doing it, so I as a new member must do the same thing. Since everyone were following that norm and agreed with that, I had no choice but to follow this irrational work style. At the beginning it’s fine and I justified this with the mindset that I should try my best to be part of the team. A few months later, I found that I’m exhausted and I no longer able to rationalize the work that occupy all of my time. I found that one of the greatest barriers that prohibit me to rebel was about the relationship with those colleague. I was taught that keeping good relationship with people is important and I always do whatever I can do maintain good relationships. I was worries about how the colleague would judge me, thus I pushed myself to stay in the role for a longer time. I decided to report that to the director when there’s a time that I couldn’t enjoy the time with my friends during weekend. I realized the cost of pleasing my colleague and that’s not healthy to my other relationships including family and friends. So I decided to abandon the idea of pleasing the others and strike a balance of work and my life. When I look back, I noticed the impact of “should” statements in my life. In my life, I was taught a lot of values and what I should follow. Now I have better understanding and that allows me to make correct decision to interact with different relationships.